Blue Wings
by the0voice0from0above
Summary: Destiel AU: Castiel is in love for the first time with his best friend Dean. He struggles to tell him how he feels.


July twelfth four years ago was a Saturday and at approximately 11.15 in the morning, on that particular day, it was bright and sunny. Castiel was certain of these facts for one pathetic reason: it was the first time that he had met Dean Winchester.

And it went something like this...

_The doors to the bus squeaked open and Castiel stepped onto it with a sigh, paying the driver without even looking up and taking a seat without checking to see if there was gum on it. _

_It was safe to say that he was miserable. _

_Balthazar, his boyfriend of two years, had decided to dump him over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast and as unexpected as the announcement had been, he wasn't upset. Castiel hadn't even bothered to ask why Balthazar wanted to leave. He had simply stared dumbstruck for awhile before giving his now ex-boyfriend a brief "okay" and continued reading the paper. Unremarkably, it had pissed Balthazar off to the point of storming out of Castiel's apartment in his underwear._

_It wasn't _his_ fault that he didn't care. He quite liked Balthazar and the sex was nice but Castiel was, and always had been, incapable of love. It had always irritated him constantly that no one seemed to even come close to touching his heart. He only wanted to love someone, or, if not love, maybe a strong lust of some kind, the kind that drives the body to work its will._

_Was that too much to ask? Was that really pushing the boat out? A little fiery lust? A little temptation to have a quiet romp in the bushes?_

_Obviously it was because never in his twenty-six years had he felt anything remotely close to lust. He'd liked a few, sure, but "like" wasn't enough. _

_Before he'd realised he was doomed to have an icy fortress surrounding his heart for the rest of the life, Castiel had tried to push it, force the lust and love. _

_But that kind of technique was so pointless and tiring that he quickly gave up on the charade. _

_At one point he'd actually considered the fact that he was mistaken in his sexuality and was, in reality, straight._

_But he'd quickly dismissed that idea as preposterous when he tried to imagine having sex with someone with breasts and no cock to wrap his clever fingers around._

_As a last resort, he'd hoped love would come with time if he stayed with someone he liked for long enough but unfortunately _that_ plan had been shot down in flames over breakfast._

_He grumbled to himself again and crossed his arms, staring out of the dusty window. Maybe he should buy a dog or a parrot, something alive to keep him company in his later years since he'd already resigned himself to a life of loneliness. _

_The bus drew to a stop to let passengers off and on and still Castiel was frowning, probably looking like a two day old baby with stubble as he'd often been told in the past._

_An angry baby, that's what Castiel was, an angry baby with no heart. He saw in the reflection of the bus window two men step on, one of which was very tall and well built. _

_As they paid he glanced at the muscled man, hoping fruitlessly that his heart or his cock might show some interest. The man was good looking; dark brown hair falling just past his ears, strong, tall, good arms and a great smile too. He should've been interested. _

_But he wasn't._

_Castiel sighed again and turned to the window, vaguely aware that the men had taken a seat directly behind him. He listened idly to their conversation. _

"_God, I want my baby back." _

"_You will soon."_

"_Yeah, well, not freakin' soon enough." A pause. "Riding the bus is just wrong. It's like I'm cheating on her."_

_A snort. "You can walk if you want to."_

"_Screw that. I'm not a fitness freak like you."_

"_Walking to the store is hardly fanatical exercise."_

"_Yeah but . . . walking. It's just . . . unnecessary. Especially when I've got my baby." Another pause. "God, I miss her."_

_Without giving it much thought, Castiel whipped around and stared at the man whose only response was a slight widening of his green eyes. _

"_Can I ask something?" began Castiel. "Where does that come from? How can you want someone so badly that you can't go five minutes without talking about her? Did you love her at first sight? Or did it come with time?" His frown deepened. "Is the sex good?" He sighed. "They all feel the same to me. That's not to say that it isn't an enjoyable experience," mused Castiel. "It just isn't –"_

"_Dude!" exclaimed the man. While Castiel had been talking the stranger's expression had switched from shocked to confused to amused. He was grinning when he said, "I'm talking about my car."_

_Castiel's eyebrows rose. "Oh," he said. "Sorry."_

_The man laughed. "No problem." As Castiel was about to turn back around, the stranger added, "Woman troubles?" _

"_Something like that," he replied with a grimace. Castiel wasn't in the habit of announcing his sexuality to people he didn't know in an effort to avoid homophobia incited confrontations. _

_Apparently though, the guy was smart enough to get the hidden meaning. "Oh, so it's _man_ troubles?" _

"_How did you. . ."_

_The stranger smiled again and winked. It was a boyish smile, one that promised trouble. "I have awesome gaydar." _

_Castiel tilted his head in a gesture of confusion and the man laughed. He held out a broad hand and as Castiel shook it. _

"_I'm Dean," he said. _

"_Castiel."_

"_This is Sammy," said Dean, indicating to the larger man sitting next to him who Castiel had hoped his body would react to. _

_The man rolled his eyes. "It's Sam," he said._

"_So, where you headed?" asked Dean._

"_Blue Wings," said Castiel. "I work there." _

"_You work at Blue Wings?! Dude, they have like the _best_ pie in the freaking world." _

_At Dean's obvious enthusiasm a rare smile pulled Castiel's lips. "If that's the case, the next time you drop by you can have a slice on the house." _

And Dean did drop by. He dropped by every Saturday for six months before they became close enough acquaintances to spend time out of the shop. They went for drinks at the weekends which moved up to parties and then family gatherings and then wasting time at each other's apartments playing video games and/or talking.

They clicked and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company whether they were doing something of importance or just sitting around lazily, too relaxed to bother with conversation. Castiel knew Dean better than he knew himself and had given his friend advice about various problems on plenty of occasions. He was a good listener and good with advice and Dean needed Castiel just as much as Castiel needed Dean.

They were best friends but his attraction to Dean had come in drips and drabs over a long period of time. On one day Castiel found he quite liked the colour of Dean's eyes in the sunlight and on another he found himself enjoying the way Dean's lips moved when he spoke. These little observations turned into obsessions until finally, when Dean suddenly touched his arm to get his attention and Castiel's stomach flipped and goosebumps rose on his skin, he realised just how attracted he was to his best friend.

And from there it only got worse and worse. When Dean touched him, Castiel's stomach would leap, when Dean hugged him, Castiel's chest would ache and when Dean dated, Castiel's heart would break.

For the first time in his life he lusted and he loved but it was for a man he couldn't have. He wanted his best friend, Dean Winchester.

Badly.

"You okay, Cas, you look a bit down?" said Dean, those attractive green eyes studying his face.

Castiel shrugged. "I'm fine." But he wasn't fine, not with Dean sitting so close and looking so impossibly sexy in a white shirt opened just enough to display a little of his tanned chest. And what only made it worse was that Castiel was fully aware of the body that lay underneath the thin material. The amount of times he'd seen Dean walking out of the shower in nothing but a towel was enough to give him fantasies every night for the rest of his life.

He picked at the label on his bottle, feeling depressed. It wasn't as though he hadn't considered talking to his friend about his attraction but since Dean was Castiel's first love he had no idea how to broach the subject.

Castiel focused on tearing the label from the bottle and tried not to lean closer and inhale Dean's aftershave. He could feel his friend's eyes on him but he just ignored it. He wasn't in the mood to talk tonight.

A couple of weeks ago Dean had split up with his boyfriend. It had been nothing serious and Castiel was glad that it was over but with it had come the horrible realisation that he would _never _have Dean. Dean would always be in another relationship until eventually he got married and settled down.

Castiel ripped off the label and screwed it up.

"Sexually frustrated?" joked Dean.

Castiel spared him a chuckle but it sounded forced even to his own ears.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Dean tapping the table; he always did this when he was nervous. "Cas, you sure you're okay?"

Castiel sighed. "Yes, Dean," he said and continued to peel off the rest of the label.

Suddenly a warm hand wrapped around Castiel's slender fingers and trapped them against the bottle. His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he looked up into Dean's soft eyes.

"What's wrong?" murmured his friend.

As comforting and as thrilling as it was to have Dean's hands on his own, Castiel pulled away. "Nothing," he said. "Please stop asking."

"You've been moody since I dumped Michael. You're not depressed 'cause I split with him, are you? Because, seriously, Cas, the guy was a douche."

"No. I didn't like Michael."

"Then what is it?"

Peeking up again into Dean's eyes, he considered the possibility of admitting to him how he felt; his pulse rate increased at the very thought.

Dean smiled a little helplessly. "C'mon, Cas," he said, "just tell me."

After four years of wondering, fantasising, lusting and loving Dean, maybe the relief of just telling him how he felt would feel good enough to get him through the moment of Dean's rejection. And a rejection _would _be disastrous to their friendship but what if there was a tiny, miniscule, possibility that his best friend wanted Castiel too?

That ray of hope made his heart pang.

Maybe now was the time to tell him and get his answer.

But how would he say it?

As he met Dean's gaze, Castiel's throat was dry and he was fairly certain he hadn't blinked in a while. He took in an unsteady breath and saw Dean's expression change from mild concern to very anxious.

"You're not— I mean you're okay, aren't you? You're healthy right?" stammered Dean.

Castiel chuckled in spite of himself. "I'm not dying, Dean."

His friend nodded, smiling apologetically but the concern remained etched into his features while he waited for Castiel's explanation.

"I... for awhile now I've," Castiel stopped and swallowed. He couldn't look at Dean anymore, so he stared at his sweating palms instead and listened to his heart pounding in his ears. "I've known you for ... a long time, Dean, and... I've come to find that... I..."

As ridiculous as it sounded, he was so certain of Dean's rejection that he felt like he wanted to cry.

Castiel glanced at his best friend again and saw nothing but confusion mixed with anxiety.

"I..." _Just say it! Get it over with! _ "I..."

He heaved in a big breath, squeezed his eyes shut and said extremely quickly, "I'm in love you."

Nothing.

But.

Silence.

After a good five minutes, Castiel opened his eyes and slowly turned to look at Dean who was staring in complete and utter shock. Castiel's brows drew together. "Dean?"

When his friend didn't respond he said, "I'm sorry... I..." He wanted to cry again.

Eventually, Dean blinked and looked away, letting out a slow breath.

"Dean, I— I'm sorry, I know it's not something you wanted to hear."

His friend rubbed a hand down his face and blinked a few more times while Castiel babbled.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's just. . . for a while. . . for-for three years I've wanted you and I –"

"Wait, what?" said Dean suddenly.

"I said I'm sorry, I shouldn't have –"

"No, before that, you said three years?! You've liked me for three freaking _years_?"

"Well, no, I've liked you for four years but I've," Castiel swallowed. "I've loved you for three."

"And you're telling me this _now_?! After three years you never once gave me a clue to how you felt!" Dean's voice softened when he said, "You could've told me, you know."

Castiel shrugged.

"If you've wanted me all this time how come you never flirted back?"

"Flirted back? You've never flirted with me," said Castiel in astonishment.

"Yeah, I have!" insisted Dean. "Too many times to count! I flirted with you the first time I saw you but you never seemed to show any interest, so after a year I just thought you wanted to be friends."

Castiel's heart thumped. "You liked me?" he asked in shock.

"Of course I liked you," said Dean, snorting as he lifted his beer to his lips. "You're freaking gorgeous." He took a sip and chuckled at Castiel's open mouth. "I can't believe you never guessed I was flirting with you."

Castiel shook his head in disbelief. If only he'd told Dean sooner.

His best friend laughed again. "Don't you remember the time we were drunk at Jo's party and I was leaning against the counter and you were kneeling down next to me looking for something on the floor and I said to you, 'yeah... Cas, while you're down there, can you just...' and I winked at you?"

He did remember! "I didn't think you actually _wanted _me to...to..."

"Suck my cock?" Dean grinned like a man who knew all his secrets. Now he did. "God, Cas, I did. Just looking at your lips gave me a boner."

Automatically, Castiel licked his lips without meaning to and blushed when he'd realised what he'd done. Dean laughed.

"So if you felt that way before. . ." began Castiel.

"Do I still want you to blow me?" asked Dean, grinning. "Hell yeah," he said and winked. "You can do it now if you want?"

Castiel hesitated. "Dean. I meant, do you still have feelings for me?"

Dean's sexy smile softened into something more affectionate. "What do you think, Cas?"

They stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. Castiel didn't want to in case Dean was joking and Dean didn't want to move in case Castiel wasn't serious enough.

Dean was protecting himself, refusing to share the depth of his feelings – if he had any at all - to him until Castiel was brave enough to take the first step. It was just Dean's way and Castiel had seen him do it before. He'd hide how he really felt in a mixture of sex, jokes and sarcasm.

With that in mind, his heart was still pounding frantically in his chest and dizziness swept over him as he reached across the table and touched the back of his friend's hand.

Dean exhaled slowly and turned his own hand over, stroking a finger up Castiel's palm.

That willing and deliberate touch sent shivers of pleasure through him and, as embarrassing as it was for him to admit, Castiel was turned on.

Still Dean waited for him to make the next move.

It was easier now that Dean was stroking the underside of Castiel's hand but nerves continued to shake his body as he leaned in close and kissed Dean gently on the lips.

Before he could worry that it was a mistake, Dean's other hand slid up Castiel's arm, to his shoulder and then to the back of his head and pushed through his dark hair, holding him in place while he kissed back.

Dean's lips were soft.

So soft.

Never in Castiel's entire life had a kiss felt so good and as Dean's slow sensuous lips moved against his, deepening in ways that set Castiel's skin alight, he moaned. Castiel actually _moaned, _purely involuntarily, and in the tight restricting fabric of his jeans, his cock was hard and aching.

No kiss had ever brought out this kind of reaction in Castiel.

He pulled back and gasped when Dean's hand slid up his thigh. Opening his eyes, Dean was staring at him, pupils dilated to the max. "I've wanted you since I first saw you," he breathed and then smirked. "And I've loved you the moment you thought I was in a meaningful relationship with my car."

"It isn't _that _farfetched," muttered Castiel, face flushed and heart skipping.

"No," said Dean, sliding his hand higher. "You're right. I guess I am in and out of it _all _day long and I definitely enjoy parking it." And with that, he pulled Castiel into another kiss framed with a smile.

Castiel's heart had never felt warmer.

THE END


End file.
